Buckingham Palace has announced that the Queen will now officially work from home. Prince Philip, husband of 90 year old monarch, is quoted as saying that ‘she is delighted with what she has got done in the last fortnight, without the hassle of commuting and attending various nonsensical meetings and engagements’.
Royal insiders claim that as well as clearing her backlog of regular ‘Queen’ paperwork she has signed a stock of 107,000 thank-you cards, changed her gas and electricity provider , painted a spare room, and dealt with the large bag of odd socks from the Palace laundry. During a 2-hour lunch break at the Buckingham Palace Road branch of Costa, she has also reportedly taken advantage of the free Wi-Fi to sign up to the social media site ‘Mumsnet’.
Tabloid rumours that diminishing health would lead to her last living hours being spent watching Channel Four Racing and repeats of The Jeremy Kyle Show, were dispelled before Christmas, when she was spotted throwing an old mattress and a rusting kettle bbq into a skip before going down on her hands and knees to scrape chewing gum and corgi s**t from the surface of the servants’ carpark.
The Queen joins a growing band of working mothers who are home-based and it is widely forecast that her membership of ‘Slimmers World’ will be confirmed within the next fortnight.
However, Commonwealth leaders have pointed out that they are still waiting for her 2016 Q4 report, due at the end of the year, which she has now promised for ‘Friday Jan 13th at the latest’, unless ‘something else crops up’, interpreted by seasoned royal watchers as a reference to the ‘perfect storm’ of a succession of sunny days suitable for walking the corgis, and the new series of Sherlock on the telly.
Underconstruction, Hat-tip to Sir Lupus.