Facebook addiction can lead to acute poisoning of the stomach, it has emerged. Lucy Clark, 28, suffered chronic abdominal pain after sharing her 15th daily update: a holiday snap of herself looking out towards the ocean above the quote ‘Tomorrow is today’s dream’. Rather than making Lucy’s online friends violently convulse, the photo received 287 likes and 23 comments. The ego boost only exacerbated her worsening condition.
‘I knew that she had become drunk on her own self-importance, when she demanded the hospital wifi password prior to coughing up blood’, concluded doctor James Benson. ‘She was yelling, ‘I need to check in. I need to fucking check in.’
He added ‘Just as well she could check in on Facebook – we can’t check anyone into a ward until next weekend.’