LinkedIn launch dedicated network for the jobless – ‘AlwaysIn’

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Iain Duncan Smith has strongly criticised business network giant LinkedIn today, after the multi-million pound company announced the launch of ‘AlwaysIn’, a dedicated jobless-to-jobless network for those currently unemployed and illegally claiming benefits.

The new network, which offers the work-shy an opportunity to create and join groups to discuss all the latest happenings in the world of daytime television, unpaid community work avoidance and exceptionally long lie-ins, was launched in the second week of January, and already has over one-million actively inactive users.

‘AlwaysIn is essentially professionalising benefit scrounging’, slammed the Work and Pensions Secretary today. ‘We’ve had a look at the site and have found a group that’s offering Disability Living Allowance claimants drama classes to help perfect their bad back postures. There’s even a group entitled “Tips on staying out of work and keeping that tw*t IDS happy”.’

Self-confessed work dodger Wayne Brindle, who already has over fifty AlwaysIn connections and, according to his profile, ‘twelve-years experience in unemployment’, said: ‘Avoiding work and illegally claiming benefits is a profession in itself, you know: You need skills in benefit revenue maximisation, bedroom exit motivation, even acting. It’s about time people realise that we do actually work hard for our income. It’s great that we now have a professional network where we can share ideas on getting the most out of doing nothing.’

LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner, who oversaw the launch of the controversial new network, said: ‘I don’t know what Iain’s moaning about; Facebook has been offering the same service as AlwaysIn since 2004; they even made a film about it. There are two types of people in this world; those who work and those who don’t. Why on earth would we cut ourselves out of half of the market?’

Story by Jesus H, picture by Robopop.

23rd January 2014

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