Trump: if there was a blackmail sex video, it would be the best one ever!

America - Number One and Three

President Elect Donald Trump reassured his supporters over the recent allegations of a Russian Blackmail Sex Video, stating ‘there is no sex video —but if one did exist, it would be the best Blackmail Sex Video ever!’

He categorically denied that Russian prostitutes had pissed all over him in a Moscow Hotel: ‘There were no Golden Showers. Furthermore, if there had been, they would have never been from prostitutes —Trump never pays for sex! And they would have been drinking Champagne beforehand, for best-tasting urine.’

He concluded ‘If there was another man in this non-existent video, he, again, would not be a prostitute. He would be strong example of Russian masculinity, bare-chested, authoritative and with a name like ‘Vlad the Impaler’. No other blackmail video would be as impressive.’

A Kremlin spokesman denied all knowledge of the incident, adding ‘Vladimir Putin is currently at home, uploading content to his youtube channel.’

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Posted: Jan 12th, 2017 by

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