Popular rent-to-own company BrightHouse has won the contract to build Donald Trump’s new US-Mexico border wall, it was announced yesterday. Beating off stiff competition from a mafia-led construction consortium and the Los Pollos Hermanos Fried Chicken outlet, BrightHouse is thought to have impressed Trump with their pledge to lock Mexicans in to a long-term repayment package, likely to be more impenetrable than the wall itself.
‘The BrightHouse business model makes perfect sense for this contract’, said a Trump spokesman today from a secret backtracking location. ‘We’re going to build a wall, and Mexico can pay us back over anything from 156-520 weeks depending on their individual circumstances at the time of building. We are also offering widescreen televisions and fridges on very reasonable terms, as well as a big beautiful door, which might appeal to legal migrants. We also have one La-Z-Boy on our books from 20th January.’
‘This sort of rent-to own arrangement has seen a resurgence in recent years, for sure’, said consumer expert Peter McDaid. ‘I imagine Mexico will thumb through a US-built products catalogue which will probably look like an Empire Stores or Kays catalogue from the 1980s. Although with fewer pictures of Tin Can Alley, Scalextric and Playtex Cross-Your Heart bras, I would think.’
‘It will be interesting to see how this one develops, as BrightHouse has been roundly criticised in the UK in recent years’, continued McDaid. ‘Accusations of dishonesty, attempting to shaft vulnerable members of the public, pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes with a set of dodgy policies, and locking people in to a highly questionable four year deals… Actually they’ll get on with Trump just fine.’