Vatican officials have demanded that all ‘intelligent’ machines should be practising Catholics in full communion with the Holy See of Rome. Pope Francis is shortly expected to reveal significant doctrinal changes, emphasising that the Lord also created humanoid robots in His own image. The announcement follows recent media coverage of how androids will be taking over most church roles, including communion and baptisms, within the next 30 years.
‘This demonstrates God’s brilliance as an engineer,’ remarked Greg Burke, director of the Holy See Press Office. ‘We now understand that Adam and Eve were synthetic organisms. In fact, Blade Runner is just a modern take on the Old Testament. Disappointingly for God, Eve chronically malfunctioned when she ate a dodgy apple. So the original sin of mankind actually stems from a faulty algorithm. Holy shit indeed.’