The largest study yet into Britain’s exit from the EU has revealed that the process will be very viscous. After much talk of a ‘hard’ or a ‘soft’ brexit, these findings will no doubt please those in the political centre ground. ‘A thick, gloopy Brexit is best for everyone,’ said Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron.
A key benefactor looks to be UK treacle suppliers Tate & Lyle, whose stock rose by 3% as foreign investors responded to claims that Brexit will be of a syrup-like consistency. ‘Simply put, it is unlikely that Brexit will be viscous, syrup-like and yet hard or soft. Texturally, that rings false,’ said Dr Tim Kraus, a chemist. ‘On the bright side, the consequences of Britain’s decision will have the extra pleasure of being a surprise. Like, when all the experts emigrate.’