Brexit most likely to be thick and syrupy


The largest study yet into Britain’s exit from the EU has revealed that the process will be very viscous. After much talk of a ‘hard’ or a ‘soft’ brexit, these findings will no doubt please those in the political centre ground. ‘A thick, gloopy Brexit is best for everyone,’ said Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron.

A key benefactor looks to be UK treacle suppliers Tate & Lyle, whose stock rose by 3% as foreign investors responded to claims that Brexit will be of a syrup-like consistency. ‘Simply put, it is unlikely that Brexit will be viscous, syrup-like and yet hard or soft. Texturally, that rings false,’ said Dr Tim Kraus, a chemist. ‘On the bright side, the consequences of Britain’s decision will have the extra pleasure of being a surprise. Like, when all the experts emigrate.’


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Posted: Jan 17th, 2017 by

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