Britain has announced that it was having to leave the EU to look after a sick relative who was due to have a lobotomy on Friday. Theresa May said that the decision to look after the US was forced on it after Obamacare was abolished. In recent months, the USA has slowly succumbed to more regular angry outbursts and is threatening to hurt itself.
Mental health expert Dr Anu Kabir said: ‘Sadly, the USA is suffering from a unique combination of multiple personality disorders, mainly dementia and autism. Fortunately, this condition is rare – the only other comparable cases are North Korea, Turkey and Russia.’ Old friends are slowly come to terms with the USA’s condition as it forgets who he is and can only recall the ‘good ol’ days’ or the autism leads to sudden fits of anger. However, Germany has privately expressed relief that Britain had drawn the short straw yet again.