The dead body of a man who was notorious for bragging about ‘Dry January’, has been discovered in a large industrial tank of malting barley at a malt production facility in his home town of Fakenham. Adam Stone, 31, was last seen gazing longingly through the window of his local pub 48 hours before. Toxicology tests have confirmed that death was caused by a chaotic orgy of beer and cocaine prior to diving headfirst into a steep vat of sprouting grains.
‘People need to be aware of the risks of Dry January,’ warned girlfriend Sarah Jones. ‘One minute he was snapchatting a kale and banana smoothie, the next he was drowning in malt. That said, for Adam to die by asphyxiation amongst the basic ingredient of the brewing process was simply the best way to go.’