TV box’s chatty style instructions fail to protect it from hammer attack

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A television device’s attempts to make friends with its new owner has badly backfired resulting in the device being viciously attacked by its new keeper, John Jones of Slough. ‘When I first received my device, I was really pleased as it meant a whole new world of viewing options for me,’ Jones said

‘However, it instantly became clear that the box was really, really overfamiliar for a contraption I had just made acquaintance with. As soon as I switched it on, it was all “Hi John, how’s it going? Gonna get you some greee-at views soon”. Frankly, I’m not that friendly with my own family, let alone a £39.99 piece of plastic from Argos.’

At first, Jones politely ignored the TV device’s attempts at friendship but became increasingly frustrated with it having spent up to three hours fiddling about with its controls especially as the device blatantly refused to reciprocate as a genuine friend might do and follow his commands to work. ‘It just sat there, repeating stuff like “Soon be there, just waking up-get me some OJ. Lol”, which I found really, really frustrating.’

Eventually, having spent ten hours trying to make the device work, Jones attacked the box with a hammer before unceremoniously throwing it out the living room window. The box itself is currently residing at the bottom of Mr Jones garden where it is believed to be making a good recovery being nursed back to health by the video recorder that allegedly ‘tried to fuck with’ Jones’s head by switching recording times when he wasn’t looking.

‘I honestly think I’m going to stick with human friends from now on,’ said Jones. ‘They may cheat me out of a few drinks at the pub and shag my missus but they are not as half as frustrating as gadgets. Just don’t tell Terry the toaster.’

SJ Roe

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Posted: Jan 18th, 2017 by

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