Pest control has confirmed that former Vice President Joe Biden is trapped underneath the floorboards of the West Wing and is refusing to be lured out, even with lucrative offers from the private sector and lifetime supply of cheese whiz. As his term drew to a close, friends confirmed that Biden had become increasingly skittish, reverting to a feral democratic state.
Biden is not the first VP to remain in The White House. A naked Dan Quayle can still be glimpsed furtively running around South Lawn, foraging for berries, while Dick Cheney still endures in silver chains in the Situation Room, regularly fed raw Panda meat and infants’ tears. President Trump has ordered that Biden be captured and sent to an ‘inappropriate-petting’ zoo but Biden has vowed that he can survive on insects and memories of happier times for the entire length of a Trump Presidency or for up to five weeks, whichever is the longer.