Cameron to end ‘postcode lottery’ of postcodes

best postcodes now available for everyone

The coalition government has pledged to end the ‘postcode lottery’ of postcode allocation by allowing communities to choose their own postcodes. ‘No longer will people be disadvantaged, or their house prices affected, by the state imposing an alpha-numeric suffix that shows where they live,’ said the Prime Minister yesterday. ‘Why should anyone be denied access to a Mayfair address, just because they happen to live in Peckham?’

A pilot study in Liverpool suggested the policy could help to improve social mobility. In November last year the run-down city district of Kensington changed its postcode from L7 to SW1, and witnessed a small yet significant increase in the number of residents classing themselves as ‘Russian oligarchs’ or ‘trustafarians’. ‘The pad is like, yah, a bit further to Harvey Nicks than I thought,’ said new resident Poppy Lee from her two-up-two-down terraced pied-a-terre next to Costcutter, ‘but then I always go by helicopter anyway.’

However critics pointed out that if other regions followed Liverpool’s lead and reused fashionable postcodes to boost the image of deprived areas, the postal service could descend into chaos.

‘The Royal Mail will just have to cope’ said Mr Cameron. ‘The fact that the entire populate of Burnley wants to live in Wimbledon SW19 7AA is no excuse for poor delivery, and if these enemies of choice mess up, we’ll fine them and pay Haliburton to distribute the post on mopeds instead.

‘Of course there will be teething problems,’ he continued, ‘but we believe passionately that people should have the freedom to choose where they think they should live, even though they could never afford to live there.’

In time the government hopes to extend the model from communities to individual households, giving every home in the country their own personalised postcode. ‘Why not?’ said a postman. ’I’d love to deliver to 10 Downing Street, CO CK5.’

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Posted: Feb 6th, 2017 by

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