Wife puts her marriage out to tender

asks if she can have her ring back

Council administrator Rhona White has put her marriage out to tender, expressing dissatisfaction with her current service provider, and inviting bids from carefully selected parties.

‘The whole thing started when I was having a laugh with my work mate, Charlotte’, she explained. ‘We had been conducting a tender for refuse contractors and over lunch, and I suggested that we should put our marriages out to tender. The more I thought about it, the better an idea it seemed to be.’

In her formal Invitation to Tender (ITT) document, 32-year-old mother-of-two Rhona has asked for bidders to provide a written proposal, and those making the shortlist can expect to be invited to provide an oral presentation. The successful applicant will have demonstrated his prowess in number of key performance areas, including previous experience, childcare ability, technical merit and remuneration.

‘I’ve issued ITT packs to several specially chosen providers,’ enthused Rhona. ‘I’m expecting an interesting proposition from Mr Dwyer, the twins’ primary school teacher, and I’m really looking forward to seeing what Tom, the man next door, comes up with.’

Rhona has given her husband of seven years, Brian, an ITT, but is not very optimistic about his chances. ‘To be honest, I don’t see him as one of the main contenders at the moment. He has been very distracted since I started the process. In fact, he’s been spending more time at work than ever and I hardly see him at all now.’

Meanwhile Rhona’s friend Charlotte has reached the final round of her search and has narrowed it down to a single preferred supplier, who has been required to demonstrate his hands-on abilities in a series of intensive evening role-play sessions. ‘When Brian told me he’d worked up a proposal, I have to say I had my doubts. Now, though, we’ve covered every angle and I’ve yet to experience any shortcomings. Tender? I should say so.’

19th March 2011

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