An aggrieved middle-class left-wing activists has been ordered to suspend her disgust over an atrocity in the Middle East, until she knows which president ordered the carnage.
As news emerged of a president who ordered 100,000 bombs to be dropped on innocent civilians, making six and a half million people homeless, righteous indignation quickly spread among a crowd of hipsters. Many were prepared to mobilize, with the familiar chant of a self-important torch-bearing mob – ‘Sieg High Horse’ – heard rippling across the rally.
Sadly the mass killings, it turned out, might have been conducted at the behest of President Obama; in which case said the protesters: ‘that’s absolutely fine’. A spokesman for the mob explained: ‘Er, basically, if a President in a blue jacket says the word pussy, that’s fascism. But if the President who belongs to a different party commits mass murder, or is an alleged rapist, that’s just hunky dory,’ said the self-appointed guardian of the nation’s morals.
Many ordinary members of the public might find this confusing, so one satirist offered this simple rule of thumb: ‘Don’t judge men by the nature of their character. Judge them by the colour of jacket, their hair or, dammit, even their skin! Being a progressive is all about tribal allegiance.’