Accountant Nicky Smith from Ipswich, accosted her friend by the photocopier at 09:23 this morning with the opener: ‘Ask me about Saturday, go on, ask me’, to which the response was: ‘Yeah, but wait until you hear about mine’. The next half an hour was a unilateral assault of tedium, according to witnesses, appraising the other about last weekend’s family itinerary whilst largely ignoring or skipping over the other’s responses.
‘Jayne was polishing her nails and even ate a Weetabix at one point,’ claims new-start, James. ‘She was just saying “Uh-huh” and “Really?” whilst charging up her own barrage of mundane, pointless static – which she let rip the moment Nicky paused to cough’.
‘As far as I can tell her musings were entirely unrelated to the content already provided. I think she was getting her own back but she should have looked up for a minute because she would have noticed Nicky leaving the room after the fifth “Oh right”.’
‘I had a great weekend, not that anyone f***ing asked,’ he added.