Paul Nuttall ‘played centre forward’ for Liverpool

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UKIP’s new leader has made the bold claim that he played alongside Kenny Dalglish in the 1978 European Cup Final. Standing in the Stoke by-election, Mr. Nuttal further declared that he wrote ‘Boys from the Blackstuff’, the theme to Z-cars and all of John Lennon’s lyrics.

Mr. Nuttall did have the good grace to distance himself from previous assertions that he was a Hillsborough survivor, by confirming that he was ‘busy’ hosting ‘Blind Date’ at the time. Mr. Nuttall confessed that he did not know any victims personally, but he was a good personal friend of ‘Shirley Valentine’.

Having made his name as a regular on ‘Brookside’, Mr. Nuttall was thrust into frontline politics on the back of successful stage appearances as ‘Les Dennis’. It was only then that his footballing career took off, winning 18 League titles while simultaneously playing for Liverpool, Everton and Melchester Rovers.

Friends still insist that Mr. Nuttall is an authentic working class bloke, just like that ‘multi- millionaire called Nigel’. A spokeswoman said: ‘UKIP would never mislead the public… now where’s that £350m we saved for the NHS?

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2017 by

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