Following Donald Trump’s controversial ‘America First’ policy, it has been announced that either James Corden or Ricky Gervais must leave the country, as American popular culture only has room for one fat, scruffy English bloke.
‘Don’t get us wrong – cold, unemotional Englishmen to play bad guys, we’ll take as many as you can send us,’ a Hollywood spokesman said today. ‘Likewise Dame Helen Mirren, as long as she keeps playing the Queen.’
‘But fat, scruffy, English ‘blokey’ types – do we really need two? Do you know how many fat, scruffy guys we produce ourselves every year? Have you been to Rhode Island?’
The format of the competition is yet to be announced, but is expected to be some sort of TV show involving embarrassing dancing and singing in which viewers phone in to vote for their favourite. Ricky Gervais was confident the American public would choose him citing the Corden vehicle ‘Carpool Karaoke’. ‘I mean, God knows as David Brent I sang badly, but at least it was deliberate. And the United States loved my TV show, even if they had to remake it with someone else so Americans would understand it.’
‘Nothing against Corden, but come on, he got his big break in an Alan Bennett play, ‘The History Boys’. Most Americans have never heard of Alan Bennett, or theatre. Or history.’