Delivery company trials new ‘couldn’t be arsed to deliver your package’ leaflet

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Delivery company ‘White Van Logistix’ have announced they are redesigning the leaflets that their drivers leave behind when they are unable to make a delivery ‘to bring an unprecedented degree of honesty to the domestic parcel transportation solutions market’.

Options for drivers to tick on the new leaflet are:
– Would rather sit in van eating pies than hang around on your doorstep
– Want to finish early to go to pub
– Can’t hit my minimum performance targets if I spend more than 5 seconds on any one delivery
– The guys are having a competition to see who can creep away from the most houses without getting caught
– It’s Friday
– I am a sociopath
– I am scared of doors and think if I knock on them loud enough for you to hear they might explode
– Dunno, just can’t be arsed

WVL chief executive Peter White described the new leaflet as ‘groundbreaking, really pushing the envelope – though not through your letterbox, obviously.’ He said his team are also working on other ‘thinking outside the box, instead of leaving the box outside” options, such as ‘leaving your parcel with a neighbour – but we don’t tell you which one’.

However, he admitted he was unable to report any increase in customer satisfaction following the introduction of the new leaflets, as nobody had been bothered enough to fill in the survey.

 

Sir Lupus,  hat tip to Bravenewmalden 

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2017 by

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