Sex Ed. rebranded as the ‘Prevent Agenda’

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Preventing ‘you know what’ is set become compulsory in all England’s schools, with all acts of radical sexualisation reported to MI5. Teachers will be required to be on the lookout for the tell-tale signs of hairy palms, hot flushes and any fan fiction involving Zooey Deschanel. There are three strands to government’s counter-pregnancy strategy – no kissing on a first date, no hemlines above the ankle and no cheap cider.

Explained one M15 operative: ‘Our job is to disrupt sexual threats to the UK, which may involve extreme measures, such as cold waterboarding or thinking about Chelsea’s back four.’ However, the ‘Safe at School’ Campaign described the announcement as a ‘tragedy’, favouring a home-based solution of either viewing a box set of Call the Midwife or chemical castration – whichever is the more humane.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2017 by

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