Middle child expendable, parents conclude

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A couple from Kent has concluded that their middle child should be abandoned, perhaps in a forest, a maze or an abandoned warehouse. The decision follows a cost-benefit analysis of their individual offspring. Ian and Kate Jones are part of a growing wave of UK families opting to reject an economically unviable child based on an aggregate of maternal and paternal love.

‘Optimal allocation of parental resources among our children has been central to our decision,’ said Ian. ‘We were really pleased with our beautiful and bright first daughter Bethany. Then Mark came along with his large ears and behavioural problems. Fortunately, we bounced back with Sarah, who could spell ‘onomatopoeia’ by her third birthday. This is why we are sending Mark to live among wolves.’

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2017 by

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