Former children’s TV presenter, Kieth Chegwin, is drifting endlessly in the upper regions of Earth’s atmosphere, instruments have revealed.
Presumed missing after heading to ALDI for a frozen Sheppard’s Pie last week, the erstwhile Swap Shop host was apparently detected by equipment on the Intentional Space Station when someone accidentally hit a switch with their backside whilst attempting to show a disinterested new crew member how cool water looks in space.
“A siren went off and my first thought was that we were finally going to plummet into the Atlantic at 30 miles per second” said an astronaut. “But, when I looked out the window – it was ONLY bleedin’ Chegwin in an ’89 VW Polo, tumbling over and over whilst furiously and pointlessly yanking the wheel!” he laughed, “I’ve literally never seen anything like it.”
Mr Chegwin allegedly then held up a sign which indicated his preference to be let into the station, but was turned down. “It was good to see him but I wasn’t having any of it” added the spaceman. “I f*cking hated Keith’s House Party”.