Followers of the Tooth Fairy vow to kill non-believers

Woman"s hand lifting a pillow showing a tooth waiting for the tooth fairy  Raton Perez in Spain. Petite Souris in France.

It is one of the world’s largest religions. Every year, millions of people give offerings to an imagined being. For most of these people it is harmless fun, a reassuring children’s story and the continuation of a cultural tradition. For some, however, it has become their obsession.

‘When I hear of people disrespecting the Tooth Fairy, praised be unto her, it makes me so angry’, said Keith, a Tolkein enthusiast in his mid twenties. ‘So when a man told me about immortality in the Elf Kingdom, naturally I wanted that. Who wouldn’t? I’ve heard those elvish girls are really fit.’

I’m going to walk into my local dentists with a bomb strapped to my chest’, continued Keith. ‘When you think about it, it makes perfect sense’.

The recruiters for the so-called Fairie State don’t put themselves at risk, despite the appeal of immortality and fit Elvish girls. They sacrifice these rewards to focus on their mission, recruiting vulnerable young men who won’t mind painting the walls with bits of their own brain matter.

‘We would love to be on the frontline, blowing ourselves to smithereens, but somebody needs to look after the website’, said a spokesman. ‘Really, we’re the ones making the ultimate sacrifice. The boys get to spread their faces all over the news – well, all over everywhere, really’.

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2017 by

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