The country of Scotland, which is rumoured to be considering leaving a 310 year relationship, has today posted a profile on SugarDaddies.com, the website that allows young, attractive members to hook up with older, rich ones willing to support them in return for unspecified benefits.
“It’s true, we have been with someone else for a while,” says Scotland’s profile flirtatiously. “But they just didn’t treat us right. And we just know you’d be good to us, just like we’d be good to you,” it continues, adding “Ooh, that Belgian accent is just so sexy.”
Scotland deliberately left blank the question about how much “support” they would be expecting, coyly hinting that a girl just likes to be treated right, taken out once in a while and have her spiralling benefits bill paid.
Unfortunately, the country’s previous partner England has left a comment on the profile, warning that the experience of supporting Scotland was both less enjoyable and more expensive than they’d been led to expect.
“Think of the cost of the health service alone. The average Scot is a morbidly obese, pasty, alcoholic, toothless, chain-smoking drug addict who can’t walk without a mobility scooter. And the over-30s are even worse.”
“And that profile pic showing a booming oil industry is well out of date.”