‘Please…smash…me’ mouths Ronaldo statue


The honorary bust of Cristiano Ronaldo has ‘begged to be destroyed’ sources close to the footballer have revealed.  Unveiled as a tribute at Madeira airport on Wednesday, the bizarre unlikeness has caused an outpouring of compassion and ethical debate on social media over its wish to be euthanised.

‘Is very hard for me’, said the Real Madrid number 7 and Portugal superstar.  ‘Clearly this is great honour for me, for Portugal, but Ronaldo #6 so is so sad, so broken.  He look like a failed Ripley clone from Alien Resurrection.  Perhaps he just needs peace?’

Keen not to be seen to be snubbing the honour of having the island’s airport after him, Mr Ronaldo’s PR team are hoping to arrange a tasteful, yet high profile, decommissioning ceremony whereby Cristiano kicks open the door and weeps while incinerating the monstrosity with a flame thrower.


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Posted: Apr 3rd, 2017 by

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