The long-awaited new U2 album ‘U Wi$h!’ is to be released on a nanochip format to be downjected within next Winter’s flu-jab. The revolutionary hardware connects to auditory receptors in the brain drawing enough energy to power playing of the album on an indefinite loop.
A spokesperson for U2 commented: ‘In Autumn we gave twelve lucky fans a trial of the ‘FLU2′ jab containing selected favourite songs. Now in Spring analysis of the results reveal not one of the fans had caught flu. I’m not advocating the sound of U2 and Bono’s sweet angelic voice as a constant backdrop in your mind can stop you getting flu, that would possibly be the vaccine doing its job… but…’
When asked about the decision to trample on public privacy again with another unsolicited publicity-craving cry for help, the response was: ‘The iTunes album giveaway was an unmitigated disaster, distribution only reached a fraction of those in need of Bono’s message. It primarily served those in an advantaged position in life with an iTunes account, but as we all know Bono is a man revered by the poor and needy, that’s why it was necessary to include U Wi$h! in the next flu-jab. This way more of Humanity can perceive U2 in their consciousness no matter how healthy or close to death they are, mostly free of charge’.
The ‘listener’ will receive updates from the new ‘U2nes’ website automatically when in wifi range that will include daily messages of hope and inspiration from Bono, real name Jennifer Dunkley, as well as ticketing information, merchandising offers and third-party endorsements. Rumours claiming Bono’s first solo album, ‘Bonogamy’ is to be released on a similar device in the MMR vaccine and in follow-on milk have yet to be substantiated.