Arkansas offering cakes to fill empty seats at execution


The State of Arkansas, which has pencilled in executing eleven ‘really bad boys’ next week is struggling to find enough State residents to witness the events. ‘I’d really like to see a grown man executed, but, you know, it’s just after Easter and the mother-in-law’s visiting,’ said Tommy-Joe Henderson, a prospective witness. ‘Unless they can strap her in too?’

Under Arkansas state law, at least ten witnesses from outside of the State legislature process must attend an execution. Generally there is no problem dragging people off the street to witness the killing of black strangers who may, or may not, have done bad things, but consider that maybe the current demand for witnesses might be a little too much for supply.

‘We’ve tried everything, including offering cakes for witnesses, but still no-go,’ said an Arkansas prison official. When it was suggested that they could, perhaps, execute fewer people next week the Governor went purple and called over to his District Attorney. ‘Hey Bud, make that twelve…’

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Posted: Apr 12th, 2017 by

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