UKIP proposes merger with Labour


UKIP has approached the Labour Party with a proposal to merge into a single party. Although the two parties agree on very little other, UKIP pointed out that there are quite a few synergies between then, in that UKIP has a lot of voters but no MPs, while Labour has quite a lot of MPs – despite the fact few of them are actually Labour party supporters – but no voters.

Despite their obvious complementary strengths and weaknesses, the formation of a new, combined United Kingdom Independent Labour Party is being held back by the lack by a viable leader within either party. ‘We currently have a leader who no-one has heard of,’ said a UKIP spokesman. ‘This gives us a huge advantage over Labour at present, as they have a leader who everyone heard of but it might have been better if they hadn’t. But it would be better if UKILP could find a candidate, whether obscure or well-known, who wasn’t a complete lying tosser.’

‘There are a load of former PMs and party leaders queueing up,’ the spokesman continued. ‘We realise that many of those who have been basking in ludicrously over-paid retirement as European Commissioners and will be looking for new jobs very soon. But we have doubts whether Major, Kinnock and Blair will be willing to face our ‘not being a complete lying tosser’ conditions. We found a few candidates, but they couldn’t be tempted away from their lucrative positions in the Cabinet. In fact some of them seemed to think we were joking.’

An obscure fringe figure called Tom Fallon has also been reported as possibly being interested in the position. However, UKLIP insiders said that he was unlikely to be considered, due to his lack of any experience of leading a party which anyone had ever heard of or voted for.


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Posted: Apr 14th, 2017 by

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