Isle of Wight opens ‘CodgerWorld’, Britain’s first theme park for the elderly

Have the (last) time of your life

Holidaymakers of a certain age are in for a treat this summer following the grand opening of CodgerWorld, an adventure park for OAPs situated a few miles outside Sandown, the Isle of Wight’s premier pensioners’ resort.

‘Our centre offers the perfect place to keep the island’s key demographic occupied,’ said founder, Margret Briscoe, ‘and is ideally situated just a short bus ride from Sandown’s glamorous benches, bingo halls and fracture clinic. And for grandchildren, it’s great to be able just to switch off for a few moments safe in the knowledge that their doddery relatives won’t come to any harm in the blanket pit.’

Attractions at CodgerWorld include theme park favourites such as the Tea Cup ride, where pensioners are seated at tables and challenged to get more tea in their mouth than in their saucer, and the Dodgems, where drivers must guide their mobility scooters around a pedestrianized track and avoid potentially fatal crashes at speeds of up to 2mph. There is also a chill-out zone where overexcited geriatrics can relax in comfy chairs in front of re-runs of Countdown, and the temperature throughout the park has been set to a pleasant 27 degrees, allowing some elderly visitors to undo their duffel coats in the summer months.

Although the centre has received a positive response from most visitors, Mrs Briscoe admits that there have been some problems. ‘Queuing is an issue as it can take a little while for each visitor to get up the giant slide, but we just can’t get the stairlifts to go any faster. Luckily most pensioners think the queues themselves are one of the rides, but for those who really don’t have the time to waste, we have express ‘Eight years to live or fewer’ queues.’

‘I haven’t had so much fun since last week’s bridge night,’ said satisfied customer, 85-year-old Ethel Crosby, proudly wearing her I-Can’t-Remember-What-I-Came-Into-CodgerWorld-For badge. ‘Fracturing my hip on the aerial runway was a low point, but thankfully they sold replacements in the gift shop. Mind you, I wish I’d picked up some incontinence pads before I went on the trampolines.’

jp1885 and Qorbeq

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2017 by

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