The government has committed itself to completing the reversion to Imperial units before the remaining 85,000 people who still understand them have all died.
‘It’s very straightforward actually,’ said a government spokesman.
‘First, anything sold in metric values reverts to pounds and ounces. Then we ditch the tonne and decide between the long ton, which is practically a metric tonne, or the short ton, which isn’t, but is common in the US. Oh yeah, and whatever Burma calls itself these days.’
The government is reluctant to commit to the Imperial unit of mass, the slug, and its close relative, the blob, as de-metrication would just mean reverting to yards, feet and inches. ‘We just want pints and gallons, common and intuitive units that have been around for hundreds of years. What do you mean, which ones? Surely there’s only one, isn’t there?’
‘Oh shut up.’