A Daventry-based multi-millionaire says he has no intention of leaving his hometown in spite of his prodigious income from doing chuff-all.
Clive Findlay (57) is earning an average of £1,445 a day due to some improbable sounding ‘simple trick’ involving the internet and watching a badly made promotional video. However he insists that he will continue to live in the underwhelming Northamptonshire market town ‘as an encouragement to others; especially those within a three to four mile radius.’
Mr Findlay explained the reason for his commitment to Daventry, whilst sat in front of his PC, occasionally breaking off from conversation to hit the return key and download another improbable sum of cash. ‘I want people to know that anyone can be this obscenely rich without any noticeable effort or invention on their part, however improbably dowdy their geographical location.’
His wife Clara (61) paused from peeling clingfilm from her newly-flawless face to nod in agreement. ‘We want our story to inspire everyone browsing low-grade websites and feeling a bit grubby. They need to know that this could happen to them too – whether they live in Staverton, Welton, or even further-afield in Dodford.’
However the act of accruing untold wealth whilst sitting around gormlessly has taken its toll on the Findlay family. The parents are currently locked in a legal wrangle with their youngest daughter Rhiannon. Having attained billionaire status in recent months, she is keen that the video outlining ‘one simple trick’ that made it all possible is banned.
‘I know my mum and dad are keen to share these secrets with as many people as possible, but it’s all getting out of hand’ sighed the billionaire blonde (23) as she prised herself out of her 2016 Maserati Quattroporte GTS.
‘Frankly you can’t move for newly de-wrinkled 76 year old women posing for Marie Claire photoshoots and local winos flashing their new dental implants. The local Cancer Research shop has stopped accepting ‘surplus’ iPhone 7’s. Frankly it’s all getting a bit vulgar around here.’
‘This isn’t the same God-forsaken Northants boghole I grew up in and frankly it’s time we did the decent thing and pulled the ladder up behind us,’ she sniffed. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got three pounds of body fat to totally shred before lunch – it’s kobe beef again, and that goes straight onto the thighs.’