It was announced today that the so-called “science march”, protesting against President Trump’s alleged inaction in the face of climate change, is to be peer reviewed to check the validity of its conclusions.
“It’s all very well saying ‘Trump is a bigoted asshole’, but where’s the evidence?” said Professor Myron Hirschbaum of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. “OK, well obviously the evidence is in everything he ever says or does, but we still need to go through the motions.”
Professor Seymour Nussbaum of the California Institute of Technology added that the process shouldn’t take too long, so long as the march was formatted properly. “We need someone at the front holding a placard with an ‘abstract’, a summary of the march’s findings in about 500 words. Behind him there should be more placards with a brief review of existing literature on the subject, a description of the experimental method, and finally the results with proper footnotes and a guide to further reading.”
The march ran into difficulties when the group from the Heisenberg Institute checked what speed they were travelling, and consequently had no idea where they were. They phoned their colleagues from the Schrodinger Institute for help, but described their response that they were “simultaneously lost and not lost” as “really not helpful right now”.
However, both were united in their condemnation of the Einstein Institute, who seemed to be absent from the march entirely until mysteriously arriving at the end before anyone else, claiming they’d made use of a wormhole in spacetime to travel a vast distance in an impossibly short time.
“Wormhole?!? You took the damn subway!”