Theresa May has confirmed that, in keeping with the Conservative vision of post-Brexit Britain as a savage battle for survival, a series of gruelling Hunger Games-style physical challenges will replace TV debates between party leaders as the way of demonstrating leadership to the voters. Some believe this to be a tactic to thwart the pacifist Jeremy Corbyn, although a Labour source hinted that his many run-ins with the establishment have allowed him to hone an exceptional physique which may help his defence.
Tim Farron was the first opposition leader to respond, citing his beliefs in the God of the Old Testament in preparing him for catastrophic violence and the ability to smite rivals. He said: ‘This is a real David and Goliath situation which will allow the Liberal Democrats to literally defend Britain against Brexit’. The move was also welcomed by UKIP, who claimed to have been training for months in various pub brawls.