Countering Jeremy Corbyn’s proposal for more public holidays, the Conservative Party plans to offer additional ‘Banker’s Holidays’ for tax avoidance, sub-prime lending and general financial dickishness. The four new days will be in addition to the other 361 calendar dates when the City of London is permitted to transfer funds to Switzerland, run pyramid schemes and launder money for Gary Barlow.
These ‘Banker’s Holidays’ will allow hard-working white-collar criminals to catch up with their editing the Evening Standard. Many are expected to head to the beach on these days provided it’s situated on the Cayman Islands. Bankers already celebrate Thanksgiving Day or the ‘Great RBS Bailout’ as it is known. There are also plans for festive holidays to celebrate the only religion that matters – money. ‘After all,’ said Philip Hammond, ‘if you work in the financial sector, everyday is Christmas’.