The Conservative Party campaign for the General Election on 8th June will mostly involve endless repetition of the phrase ‘coalition of chaos’, it has emerged. Political commentators believe that by election day the public will have been bombarded with the phrase so often that they will walk into the voting booth in a trance-like state and vote Conservative because, sub-consciously, they believe a vote for any other party will result in a ‘coalition of chaos’.
‘Every time you hear a Tory being interviewed on television or radio they will use the phrase over and over again, even when they’re not being asked about politics,’ says Guardian Political Editor Fenton Barnes, adding, ‘David Davis was on Desert Island Discs on Radio 4 earlier today and used the phrase 49 times. He even managed to mention it 8 times when he was reminiscing about his first sexual experience.’
According to an election expert the Tories have got call centres up and down the country crammed with volunteers just randomly phoning people and saying ‘coalition of chaos’ as many times as possible until the person on the other end hangs up.
However, some voters have complained that the ‘coalition of chaos’ tactic has been taken too far. ‘It was bad enough when they phoned me up,’ says Croydon-based voter Jess Harrington,‘ but when I woke up at 2 in the morning and found Michael Gove standing over me whispering ’coalition of chaos’ into my ear I got really freaked out’.
‘It won’t work with me anyway; I’m a Labour voter through and through and on 8th June I’ll be voting Conservative. No, Labour! I mean Labour. Oh bollocks’.