Jeremy Corbyn’s election campaign has received a warm endorsement from Jesus Christ, former jobbing carpenter and currently 33.3% of the Godhead. Speaking from a popular mount in Wimbledon, Jesus described his joy at discovering a fellow miracle worker when he reviewed the funding for Corbyn’s election policies.
‘Not since my gig with the loaves and fishes has the world seen such an ability to create matter out of thin air. First, he proposed a single corporation tax hike to both repel foreign investors in a nod to Brexit and to fund a salary increase for all NHS workers. Then, without even winking, he used the same money to fund a national house-building initiative.
‘But that was just the beginning – the same tax rise was then deployed for a National Cheek-Turning system to replace Trident, retraining of the disbanded Army as social care workers and once more to finance fully-staffed Young Socialist Academies to replace every school in the land, starting with Jeremy’s own old grammar.’
Jesus confides, however, that his fellow Trinity associates are not altogether aligned. ‘Dad thinks he’s above all this and I suspect the Holy Ghost is leaning towards UKIP. To be honest he’s never been that keen on the Poles and he tells a great yarn about an all-night three-way in 33 BC with Paul Nuttall and a Jewish virgin.’
Cinquecento with a Hat Tip to Deceangli