Labour leadership race heats up as candidate displays vital life signs

finger on the ... oh, forget it

A so-far tepid Labour leadership race has started to heat up after one of the candidates was found to have a pulse last night.

Medical experts unexpectedly found the vital life sign on Liz Kendall. Her supporters hope this will help bring some much need vigour to her campaign.

Experts also suspect that Yvette Cooper has been breathing throughout the entire campaign, but this is still to be confirmed. Not be left out, Andy Burnham’s team said he would be willing to undergo tests to prove he has “nearly normal” levels of brain activity.

“We had thought that the campaign was completely moribund,” said Dr Ken Livingstone. “We certainly were expecting to issue a ‘no resuscitation’ order – but hopefully these vital life signs will really get the party and the public excited in the tedious, uninspiring, long drawn out process.”

Two high profile figures have already dropped out of the running. Tristram Hunt failed to gain enough support after party members mistakenly thought he was comatose. Chuka Umunna withdrew after the press prodded him with a stick to see if his campaign was just sleeping or had died.


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Posted: May 2nd, 2017 by

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