Duke of Edinburgh to retire from stand-up

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Buckingham Palace have revealed that the husband of Queen Elizabeth II and scourge of political correctness, will no longer be touring working men’s clubs with his Bernard Manning tribute act. The Duke was always a firm favourite at the Royal Variety Performance, with ribald songs, ethnic stereotypes and saucy ‘Queen Mother-in-law’ jokes.

The Duke first became famous during the 70s appearing on a plethora TV shows – as compère of the ground-breaking gameshow ‘Send the Buggers Back’, but best remembered as ‘Chalky the Greek’ from ‘Love Thy Neighbour’.

Currently his Royal Duties include – identifying cannibals, helpfully measuring the ‘slitty-eyed-ness’ of foreign dignitaries and ‘paying hush money’ to Diana’s security guards. However, it is understood, that he will now be confined to the Royal kennels and only allowed to shoot at foxes and tourists on Christmas Day.

Despite controversies, the Duke once played Las Vegas in drag and has met the Queen on numerous occasions. Yet he never toned down his act, staying true to his working-class roots. Fortunately, to provide continuity for future Royal Engagements, the Queen will now be accompanied by Nigel Farage.

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Posted: May 5th, 2017 by

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