David Cameron’s hair pledges to leave UK if Labour wins

frankly, I'm worth it

With less than a week to polling day, David Cameron’s hair has weighed into the general election campaign by threatening to pull up its roots and emigrate if the Labour party wins on 7 May. ‘Under this Conservative-led government, what we have seen from David Cameron’s hair is recovery from recession and a return to growth,’ said George Osborne today. ‘It’s been a miraculous turnaround. Figures show our prime minister now has the fastest-growing head of hair in Europe.’

Cameron’s tresses have rarely been out of the spotlight in recent times. UKIP leader Nigel Farage recently accused the prime minister of dying his hair, or ‘blacking-up’, and last year Lino Carbosiero, David Cameron’s hairdresser, was awarded an MBE for services to biological implausibility.

‘There’s no doubt Mr Cameron and his hair have grown apart over recent years – the savage cuts certainly haven’t helped,’ said celebrity hairstylist Nicky Clarke. ‘But there’s still a connection there, and although his parting has veered from right to left depending which way the political winds have been blowing, he has never been completely exposed.’

But Labour has dismissed the threat from David Cameron’s coiffure as a gimmick. ‘What we’ve seen from the prime minister is a widening gap between front and back,’ said Ed Miliband. ‘As always David Cameron is heavy on style and light on substance. I think voters should allow his hair to finish what it’s started.’

In unrelated news, David Miliband left the country in 2013 ‘just in case’.

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Posted: May 7th, 2017 by

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