A woman from Los Angeles has been admitted to hospital with severe pelvic injuries after storing a smartphone in her vagina for over three months in an attempt to encourage her unborn child to take a selfie.
Jane Wanarki (19), is understood to have been seriously dissatisfied with the picture resolution of her 26-week ultrasound scan, describing her child as looking like ‘a fu*!ing bean or something’ and decided to take matters into her own hands. After purchasing and inserting the smartphone, she is then reported to have spent up to five hours a day providing advice and encouragement to her foetus on how to take a photograph of its own face and then return the phone to her.
‘It was really weird’, said friends of the teenager. ‘She would be sitting on the couch saying things like, “just point and click, just point and click” for ages, and then storm out of the room shouting “Jesus Christ! It’s not f*@ing rocket science! Do you know how much I spent on that phone, you selfish little b*@ard!”. We all thought she was, like, having a breakdown or something, but I guess this explains it all now.’
American medical authorities are becoming increasingly concerned about the ‘womb-selfie’ craze which appears to be sweeping the nation, with up to 25 hospital admissions being reported weekly, as expectant mothers increasingly vie against one another for the best photographs of their unborn children and try and provide them with an early advantage in the increasingly competitive world of social media marketing.
‘We think that she was trying to give him an edge by ensuring that he had an Instagram account at the earliest possible opportunity’, said Dr. Kyle Larston, a consultant obstetrician who was treating Miss Wanarki. ‘However, the dangers of her actions are clear. Ladies, please, just be sensible. If you think you’re going to help yourself or your child by ramming a Samsung Galaxy up your hoo-ha, then I really can’t even begin to explain how wrong you are.’