Irish lawyers have confirmed that a key witness in the Stephen Fry blasphemy case had failed to turn up for preliminary court sittings. ‘His lawyer insists he’s here, he’s there, he’s, apparently, every-bloody-where,’ said a defence lawyer representing Mr Fry, ‘but can we see him? no, we can’t.’
Prosecution lawyers have insisted that the witness isn’t necessary for their case and suggested that the defence ‘just have faith in the system.’ ‘God only knows what will happen,’ they have suggested.
Fry is charged with blasphemy after saying on radio two years ago that God must be a mean spirited being, however the prosecution point out that without the hand of God we wouldn’t have grass, Jeremy Corbyn, Theresa May, Kim Jong-un, nuclear weapons, cancer, chemical weapons and war. ‘Well, grass is kind of nice,’ said a prosecution lawyer, who claimed his lawn was ‘admittedly looking a little shoddy at the edges thanks to the lack of rain last winter,’ he said, pointing out that rainfall was ‘at the mercy of God. Oh bugger, I think we’ve lost.’