Ireland investigated for blasphemy against Stephen Fry

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Worshippers of Stephen Fry are to take Ireland to court on several counts of blasphemy, after commentators there labelled him ‘a maniac’ and ‘not the true comedy messiah’. In an article written for the Irish Tribune, TV reviewer Andrew Dunn wrote: ‘Other TV panel show hosts are able to carry out their duties without being all wise and clever, but Fry persists in giving regular demonstration of his comic propensity and verbal dexterity, effectively claiming he is the creator of all comedy. If this is true, how then can he justify the misery caused by On the Buses, Roy Chubby Brown and Miranda?’

Since the rise of alternative comedy in the 1980s, it has been a criminal offence under the Defamation Act to criticise any past member of Cambridge ‘Footlights’ – unless it is Judas, or Tony Slattery as he is more commonly known. God explained: ‘I sent my son to die for your sins – not for you to commission Mrs Brown’s Boys. I demand more Stephen on TV or I’ll send down a plague of James Cordens on you all for another seven years’.

Sainted in the 1980’s for making Ben Elton seem funny, St. Stephen has since spent his career walking on water, while performing the miracle of getting ‘anything with Alan Davies in it’ to a baseline of 4 million viewers. Thus, while it is perfectly acceptable to confess to a priest that you did not like Mr. Fry appearing on a Kate Bush album, it is a mortal sin to suggest that St. Stephen is not a national treasure.

Fryars’ have been quick to come to the raconteur’s defence; a devotee of the Church of the Bent Nose told us: ‘The attacks on Fry are an outrage to those to who hold QI and its latter-day spin-offs sacred. We must remember that we are still fundamentally a Fry-worshipping country.’ He added: ‘We continue to believe we are living in the ‘last days’, when the Exalted One will return to QI as prophesised by ‘Dave’, and the false host Toksvig shall be abolished for all time.’

A defendant for Ireland has claimed that the country ‘didn’t name any panel show host in particular’, and could have been referring to ‘any novelist, actor and devotee of Oscar Wilde who presents an amusing knowledge-based comedy quiz.’

Fry himself has released a statement in the form of a burning bush, expressing that he is ‘astonished – as astonished as Mr A. Stonished, professor of astonishment at Astonished University.’

Adrian Bamforth and Wrenfoe

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Posted: May 8th, 2017 by

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