Amidst the launch of party manifestos this week, the boldest educational commitment emerged from Tim Farron today. The LibDem leader has pledged that all schoolchildren will be taught the correct pronunciation of Quinoa by 2020.
‘Too often we overlook our country’s future workers and leaders so I make this pledge to you now. Every child will be able to pronounce ‘Keen-Wah’ by 2020′, Mr Farron announced from an event in Richmond, Surrey. ‘This protein-rich and fantastic wheat-free alternative has been said incorrectly for many years, leading to confusion and embarrassment in branches of Waitrose and Whole Foods across the nation. Well, I say this to you, not on my watch’. The gathering gave him gently rapturous polite applause, with one audience member even attempting a quickly revised ‘woo’.
Theresa May responded in kind by promised strong and stable Quinoa pronunciation in a post-Brexit booming Britain. Jeremy Corbyn went one stage further by promising not only to match the pledge but also advocating the introduction of 20,000 new vegans per year if Labour was elected. The Daily Mail leapt on this pledge and demanded the ‘foreign sounding’ grain be renamed ‘Churchill Beans’.