Trump fires Abraham Lincoln


Fox News reported today that President Trump has fired Abraham Lincoln for misleading the American people.

Trump, whose power base is built on fooling some of the people all of the time, i.e. his loyal supporters, is said to have been dismayed to learn that he wasn’t fooling most of the people any of the time at all, especially funny foreign people in Europe and elsewhere.

‘I categorically saw a report on social media that Lincoln said that you can fool all of the people all of the time, but now he has retracted his statement and said exactly the opposite. FAKE NEWS! I will replace ex-President Lincoln – note the ‘ex’, people – with someone who can do a far better job.  Even Obama isn’t that bad, and at least he’s not dead – yet.’

Trump, who thinks he can fool people with his haircut, wealth and intelligence, not to mention his pre-election promises, is said to have undergone a momentary crisis of self awareness before the sacking, but feels better now.

Trump said he would have been prepared to give Lincoln a second chance but then found out that Lincoln had abolished slavery. ‘All those people could have been used to build the Wall or work in American factories doing American jobs for nothing, so that’s another opportunity he blew.’

Trump is said to be considering the appointment of Thomas Jefferson as Lincoln’s replacement, after hearing that despite being a slave owner, Jefferson stated in a fake Declaration of Independence that he believed all men were created equal.

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Posted: May 11th, 2017 by

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