Film-going public warned against adopting Brexiters as pets

Me-ow!

First it was the Harry Potter films, leading thousands of foolish people to adopt owls that they soon abandoned. Pixar’s ‘Finding Nemo’ and ‘Finding Dory’ led to even more impulse purchases of tropical fish. Now, after the runaway success of ‘Brexit: The Movie’, charities are bracing themselves to pick up the pieces again, once ill-advised adoptions of leading anti-EU campaigners have gone wrong.

‘It will end in tears again, mark my words,’ warned Caroline Walsh, campaign director for the Royal Society for the Prevention of Captivity to Politicians (RSPCP). ‘It’s all too easy to sit entranced by a heart-warming film at the cinema and say ‘I want one of those’ but the public must be warned that Brexiters rarely make good family companions.’

There is particular concern at the RSPCP about a surge in demand for an already established star of the silver screen, the colourful and eccentric Galloway. A few years ago, many British families were fooled by its appearance disguised as a cat on Celebrity Big Brother into thinking that the Galloway is easily house-trained. In fact, the breed is notoriously capricious and short-tempered.

‘It’s harder, at least in some respects, to generalise about politicians than tropical fish because of their greater genetic diversity,’ Walsh continued. ‘The Farage, for example, can be readily socialised in a pub environment, but for the most part Brexiters are not to be trusted around humans. And you should definitely not underestimate the expenses involved.’

Another breed causing concern is the Johnson, whose distant relative, the Old English Sheepdog, became hugely popular on the back of the Dulux ads in the 1970s. ‘It might seem fun to have a Johnson bounding around your house, but they grow like crazy, they shed hair everywhere – and you turn your back for a moment and see what he’ll do to the contents of your fridge, never mind your wife,’ said Walsh. ‘As for taking on a Gove, that’s plain perverse. Not even Sarah Vine wants a Gove about the house. What is WRONG with you people?’

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Posted: May 12th, 2017 by

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