May promises to stock food banks with fox meat

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While Jeremy Corbyn has made an unwelcome pledge to solve irrelevant issues, such as Education, the NHS and World Peace. Theresa May has had the courage to tackle the real ‘elephant in the room’ or more specifically the ‘mammal cowering under the hedgerow’ – which is the UK’s epidemic number of immigrant foxes.

Mrs May could have wasted valuable manifesto paper explaining how she was going undo the ‘omnishambles’ she had created, but instead she provided a full-page colour-spread of an urban fox, fraudulently claiming housing benefit. The Prime Minister refused to put a specific number on the number foxes culled – but it will less than her bogus election expenses but more than one Liam Fox.

A fur-clad Conservative spokeswoman explained: ‘Foxes are at the root of all our problems – including Brexit. No seats on your train? Foxes. Working three zero-hour jobs? Foxes. Wondering why we had to bail out the bankers with money meant for the disabled? Ah, that last one was us. Soz.’

Class-sizes and hospital waiting rooms have been inundated with foxes, so the logical solution is to unleash the UK’s hungry homeless (or ‘first time buyers’ as they are known). Food banks will now stock a plentiful supply of mystery meat, serving with the strap line – ‘Strong, stable and tastes like chicken’.

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Posted: May 13th, 2017 by

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