English Premier League bosses have confirmed that this weekend’s matches in the Premier League will have the highest cliche count on record. A ‘perfect storm’ of rising numbers of workhorse expert summarisers, Friday’s confirmation that ‘over the season the table doesn’t lie’, and an ‘end-of-term party atmosphere’ around many grounds have all contributed to a bumper crop of lazy journalism and off-the shelf lines.
‘Obviously, we’ll be absolutely made up if we break our previous record of 83% regurgitated nonsense from 4 years ago. it’ll be a top, top effort’, said Chief Executive Richard Scudamore. ‘We’ve been over the moon with the 110% effort from the lads up until now, but every match is a Cup Final now so there’s no room for us to take our eye off the ball. Who knows what will happen, it is squeaky bum time for sure, but also a lottery at this stage, and in many respects, the best team will win, as form is temporary, class is permanent.’
This sentiment was shared by a giddy commentating team at Sky Sports. ‘We’re all over the moon over here at Sky. To be given an opportunity like this is what we’ve dreamed of since we were kids. We have to knuckle down and set our stall out now and see what the game throws at us. We know we’re in a dogfight but whatever happens, I’m sure there’ll be a reaction and we’ll be looking to give the fans a boost.’
The League Managers Association was unavailable for comment as the Chairman deals with all that sort of thing.