North Korean state-run media has announced that the launching of a ballistic missile on Sunday was intended to mark the Supreme Commander’s triumphant victory in the Eurovision Song Contest.
State television news proclaimed that the ‘Glorious Leader’ Kim Jong-Un had once again defeated the forces of western imperialism by scoring a perfect 12 points from every country following his performance of the touching and melancholic ballad ‘Die Die You Filthy Capitalist Scum Dogs’.
‘The agents of fascist colonialism were powerless to deny the true majesty of the DPRK’s winning entry’ newsreaders proclaimed. ‘The Supreme Commander broke all scoring records and made the puny singers of the expansionist west bow down and cower in awe. Their songs are nothing but the demented screeching of diseased bats who live in dingy caves. Apart for the Romanian yodeller, who was quite good’.
Pyongyang has warned that further celebratory missile launches are likely once Kim Jong-Un returns to the country following the successful defence of his Giro d’Italia title.