In vowing to protect and extend workers’ rights, the Prime Minister Theresa May has said her Government promises all workers a unicorn and a free helicopter after three years in the same job. As well as a statutory year of leave to care for a relative, Ms May said workers’ could all have a paid year to: ‘write that novel they have inside them or to travel to the furthest depths of space’.
Describing the Conservatives as the ‘party of the working’ she added that she wanted to increase workers’ involvement with company boards and that all companies would be required to employ at least one company chimpanzee. This primate would sit on the board and each worker would be allowed to take it home for the weekend once a year.
When challenged on the funding for all these schemes, Ms May said that unlike Labour’s plans these were all ‘carefully calculated’ and that a Leprechaun had given her a ‘magic pot of gold from the end of the rainbow’. This she said was under the strict understanding that it would be ‘ringfenced’ for these proposals.
‘Of course, the sad thing is that due to Brexit, our poor handling of economy and the rise of artificial intelligence there won’t be any jobs, and therefore no workers, under the next Conservative government,’ Ms May said.