Observers are becoming ‘increasingly concerned’ at the apparent absence of the Prime Minister only weeks from a general election.
‘She’s dead, stands to reason, don’t it?’ said a taxi driver. ‘How else do you account for her refusal to appear on the radio, on TV, or to answer any questions? Like Stalin, he was dead for years before they admitted it. And Bruce Forsyth, he’s another one’.
Some experts have suggested that Ms May might simply be avoiding saying anything whatsoever in the hope that people will confuse silence with wisdom, a view echoed by Conservative Central Office which has started booking Diane Abbott and Jeremy Corbyn for public speaking events.
‘Strictly speaking, what they say isn’t Conservative policy’, said a spokesman. ‘But they’re bloody good at generating votes’.
If dead, Mrs May would not be the first Prime Minister to die at Number 10. Gordon Brown endured a long and painful death in office, while John Major acquired a rare strain of necrotising fasciitis, which left his body intact but ate away at his soul.