‘Business Breakfasts’ to be compulsory for primary school kids, pledges May

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Schoolchildren from the age of 5 will have to attend ‘power breakfast’ meetings to prepare them for future roles as captains of industry, the Tories announced today.  The Conservatives have pledged to provide each school with a daily selection of continental buffet items and orange juices, alongside flipcharts, marker pens, name badges with safety pins and a range of action tracker and agenda templates.

‘Lunch is for wimpy kids’, boomed Theresa May at the Conservative manifesto launch, arms behind her head in a leather chair, sporting a striped shirt, braces, and casually getting a cuban cigar out of her desk drawer.  ‘Everyone knows that breakfast meetings are where the big deals are cut, and we want to provide all kids with the best chance to network with the movers and shakers in their sector, sorry, I mean class.’

May also announced that pupils will also be required to provide an up-to-date CV when joining reception class, and that September breakfast meetings for primary school entrants will be masterclasses focused on ‘Building a resilient career’ – followed by redundancies.  Kids will also receive training in basic business networking conversational openers and small talk; as well as tips on how to attend primary school or board meetings at the Royal Bank Of Scotland – in other words  ‘how not to sh$t yourself’.

 

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Posted: May 19th, 2017 by

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